December 31, 2017 by unclespike218
“This is my world, and I am world leader pretend.” — R.E.M.
After that fun jaunt down 73 Questions-ville, let’s get back to the topic at hand. Suffice it to say that there’s a lesson here. I was given independence two different times, and handled it vastly differently both ways. Granted, there was a world of difference between the two situations…in one, I had virtually no outside support, no network, and in the other, my support was far-reaching. But it is pretty sobering to see how terribly I flailed upon first leaving the nest, after showing how effective I could be. I think, also, there may have been a lot of me insisting on doing things my way, not allowing anyone to change my path, and not allowing friends in very easily.
God, this is not going to be an easy post to write, not while I’m sick. Maybe to be completed later. Just because it’s December 31st, 2017, and everyone is posting New Year’s shit everywhere doesn’t mean I have to also. Not when I’m not ready. But I will be ready soon.
I guess I’ll wrap it up by saying it has been, despite my sickness, an utter delight spending the whole day in my new place in my sweats, slumming it. I’ve feasted on peanut butter and cinnamon/brown sugar bread and quaffed coffee and Sambucol. I’ve watched the last five or six episodes of Grace and Frankie back to back – apparently this is what the kids call a “marathon.” I’ve done a lot of dishes. I’ve felt myself getting slowly better. Slowly. I’ve engaged in a few conversations with myself…occasionally making me question my sanity. And I have luxuriated in the Rembrandtesque light that this place seems to harness effortlessly. Waking up this morning and enjoying the reflections of the sun off the brilliant orange facing condos juxtaposed with the dark clouds enshrouding the mountains was an amazing but simple experience I loved. So, uh…yeah. More substantive writing to come once I’m better at some point.