Nobody told me there’d be days like these.

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February 13, 2015 by unclespike218

How do you react…legitimately react…when…

*pause*

Wait. Let me stop right there. I am not about to describe a soap opera. But it might as well be one. Only thing is, I never saw this on a soap opera. But maybe I wasn’t paying attention. Maybe I should have watched more soap operas. I might have learned something.

*play*

…when your partner of over 13 years can barely muster up the energy or the enthusiasm to spend 36 hours in close confinement with your family over Christmas (for whom there is mutual enmity), then gets uninvited?

…when you find out it’s because he posted pictures of himself in NYC with other, uh, scantily-clad hot men (according to his – and Madison Ave’s – taste) on Facebook for all to see?

…when you are not in NYC with him, but it has been a mutual agreement that he was cool to go to NYC apart from you, and said pictures were not indicative of any scandal?

…when you find out that your dad, because he was sorely disappointed in your partner’s actions and pictures, decided to put a lien on the house he had helped finance, so as to “protect you in case he tries to bolt”?

…when your dad says he does this because he sensed that you two were no longer together, because other family members sensed this because of said pictures, but none of them bothered to even ask five simple words that would have clarified things: “Are you two still together?”

…when all along, there has been no indication of anything other than adherence to the mortgage and a 50/50 split between the two of you in all matters relating to the house?

…when, a few months after the fact, there has been no outward indication of a lien actually having been placed?

…when your partner makes an offhand comment tonight about feeble retaliation against the powers that be that hits you wrong?

Seriously, what do you do?

Well, here’s what I’ve done.

– Somehow, I haven’t cried. Yet.

– Randomly, I got food poisoning just before Christmas, which precluded any chances of me going skiing with the family.

– I spent Christmas with mutual friends and tried to be as gracious as possible under the circumstances.

– I went out to drinks with a very sympathetic and loyal sister and her equally sympathetic and gracious friend…well, as sympathetic and gracious as you can be with someone whom you have barely met before.

– I’ve become exponentially more cynical. Daria would be proud.

– I have gotten the hell outta Dodge for a week to try and evaluate this shit. Unfortunately, no bones.

– I’ve decided that my family had no interest in asking those pre-discussed five words above, and since they did have not cared for my partner for years, decided to take the opportunity to sabotage our relationship.

– I’ve buried myself in work and gone catatonic in front of the computer from time to time.

– I’ve let my home office go to shit in a way that I’ve never done before.

– I’ve seriously considered firing my personal trainer for opening his mouth a bit too widely…since he has actually been a good liaison between me and the paternal figure, whom he trains as well. (Trouble is, he’s also a great listener and a great “therapist.” He keeps me sane a lot of the time. Plus there’s that “keep your friends close and your enemies closer” bit.)

– I’ve gotten closer to my partner, for reasons of solidarity. Which is mutual.

– I’ve lost my appetite some.

– I’ve wondered about how things might have been different if I hadn’t been adopted.

– Tonight, I slammed a remote control against my head and gave myself a bloody bindi.

Oh, and one other thing to put a huge filter on things:

What if, before all this happened, you had been planning to end your relationship with your partner after the holidays, hopefully peacefully and amicably, because it has become apparent to you that life is too short, and aside from a six-month period toward the beginning of your 13+ year relationship, you never saw him as “the one”?

– I wonder if I’ll ever have the spine to set us both free. After all, he has a life to live, and definitely has guys – guys he thinks are hot and worthy – interested in him. (He has admitted to me that he is no longer physically attracted to me, since…well, since the day we met, I have changed a lot.) Yet we stay together…because of cowardice, (in)security, masochism, and inertia.

– I get really, really fucking confused.

Um…maybe it’s time for me to consider therapy.

Oh, and also:

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