January 21, 2015 by unclespike218
Congratulations. If you’re reading this, the person who sent you this link is sick and tired of your crap.
(Or not. Maybe this is just a preemptive strike.) And you probably are, too. Sick and tired of your own crap, that is. Especially sick.
You’re moaning, griping, and kvetching about how difficult life is with the flu. Fucking get over it. Stop complaining and do something about it. Or at least do something about it while you complain. Unless you like giving the world your sob story about how tough life is with the flu. In which case, boo-fucking-hoo. Stop reading this, go back to your miserable life, and hide under a rock until your flu is over. See ya in a few weeks.
But if you actually want to do something about the flu, then congratulations. You’re one of the few, the proud, the ones who give a shit.
Treating the flu is simple as shit. Millions of people get the flu every year. Thousands die. And they don’t need to. Let’s face it: if the flu runs rampant every year, then obviously either the flu shot ain’t doing its job, or millions aren’t getting this vaccine. Or both. But stories about people getting the flu vaccine, then still falling ill are as common as oxygen in water. So here ya go.
Fasting – Does this word scare you? Afraid of not getting enough nutrition? If you’re one of the vast majority of overfed Americans, you have little, if anything to worry about. (Exception: diabetics on medication that fucks with your blood sugar. You don’t want extreme hypoglycemia.) And this ain’t some woo-woo Eastern concept either. Remember when doctors used to say “nothing by mouth except for liquids,” and your parents would give you Jello, ginger ale, and chicken soup? Yeah, more or less the same thing. Besides, how many of you, when you get this sick, really want to eat a damned thing? Hands? Nope, I didn’t think so. Your body is having enough of an issue trying to fight off the flu. It doesn’t have time for this “digesting food” shit. (It’s even producing a chemical that kills your appetite.) So lay off. But keep up those fluids. Especially those that don’t have sugar, since that shit fucks with your immune response.
Sambucol – Here it is, the motherlode. This shit works, people. It’s simply an extract of black elderberries, placed in raspberry syrup. It tastes good. Imagine that: medicine that doesn’t taste like ass. Screw that Robitussin shit. And before you fucking skeptics pull your “herbology woo-woo shit doesn’t work,” sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up. Because science. Do the words “supported by multiple studies published in peer-reviewed journals” mean anything to you? Yeah. Sambucol has that in its corner. Fuckin’ booyah. Including the holy fucking grail of evidence-based medicine: double-blind placebo controlled study. (Can you say 90% of subjects were cured within 72 hours?)
So what do you do? If you’re exposed or just plain leery about getting the flu in the first place, grab some at the beginning of the flu season. Get it at a health food store; those supplement experts will know exactly what Sambucol is. Take the maintenance/preventive dose, and stay on it until all danger has passed. But let’s say you are one of the unfortunate fucks who gets the flu. Simple as shit. Just take the acute dose until the bottle you have is gone. If you’re not at least 80% better within 24 hours, it may work more slowly for you than most, but keep that shit up, and you’ll be back to the land of the living quick as a fucking wink. (Caveat: if you start getting a raspy dry cough, you’re overdoing it. Cut back on the dose or discontinue it for awhile.) And no, I don’t get any money off of promoting Sambucol. I just want people to get better from the flu ASAFP, and nothing – not the vaccine, not Theraflu – can touch this.
Miso soup – Get some fucking miso paste. Or just plain have some on hand. If you get sick, add a tablespoon of this shit (which really does look like shit), add it to some hot water, and stir until the glob is dissolved. Then drink to your heart’s content. Hot, salty soup feels great and tastes great when you have the chills. And this shit – which is really fermented soy – is otherwise awesome for you. Electrolytes, easily-digested protein, probiotics…the total fucking package. Diced green onions, carrots, and mushrooms are optional…and really, when you’re that sick, who has the energy? Keep it simple.
Stay warm – Hot baths are the fucking bomb. So are heavy wool blankets, thick down comforters, and hot tea. Have a fever? Awesome. Keep that fucker up. That’s your body mounting a healthy response to this fucking virus. Exception: if you get above 104, might be a good idea to bring it down a bit. Get someone to rub yourself down vigorously – and I mean vigorously – with a damp lukewarm washcloth. Maybe suck on some ice for a bit. Acetaminophen (Tylenol) if you absolutely have to. Concerned about that febrile seizure shit? That happens when fluids and electrolytes are out of balance. So keep those up. (See above for how to do this.)
Apple cider vinegar – This is one of those so-called cure-alls that helps people who use it and pisses off skeptics who don’t. Normally I have a mantra: “can’t hurt, might help” when it comes to things like this. But ACV is more like “can’t hurt, will help.” The idea is that viruses have a hard time thriving in alkaline environments, and ACV brings this about, despite being acidic itself. Guzzle this shit. Have a tablespoon or two in a glass of warm water (because warm water feels damned good right about now). Add a bit of honey if your mouth squinches too much. Drink this at least three times a day.
Other shit – Zinc ain’t bad. Suck on a lozenge three or four times a day if you like. Oh, and like you need to be told this: SLEEP, MOTHERFUCKER, SLEEP. You don’t have energy to do much else, and you sure as fuck aren’t going to work with the flu, are ya? Your body is trying to talk to you. Fucking listen to it and do what it tells you. Vitamin C? Meh. Overrated. So is echinacea. The jury is even out on vitamin D, although there is a correlation between lowered immunity and low levels of vitamin D. Homeopathy? If – and this is often a big if – you can get the exact right remedy, yeah, you’re golden. Trouble is, it’s often trial and error, and when you have the flu, you don’t give a shit about trial and error…you want to feel better now, dammit.
So there you have it. Do all this, and you’ll be back in the land of the living in no time.
My personal disclaimer: Natural medicine is less regulated and studied than conventional medicine. So the chances that you’ll have unexpected side effects from this shit are greater. What does this mean? Listen to your body, don’t do anything it doesn’t want to do, and take responsibility for your own fucking actions. Does apple cider vinegar give you intolerable reflux if you take it? Fine. Don’t drink that shit. There’s other things you can do. And if you’re want some authority to hold your hand if you’re leery about this shit, find yourself a naturopathic doctor. Those fuckers are the BOMB.
Oh, yeah. Gotta add the CYA disclaimer that the FDA probably requires me to post, even though a lot of it is pretty laughable, considering what you just read. (Except for that warning about pregnancy and shit. I don’t fuck with mamas and their babies.)
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The information provided on this site, product labeling or packaging is for informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for advice from your physician or other health care professional.
You should not use the information on this site for diagnosis or treatment of any health problem or for prescription of any medication or other treatment.
You should consult with a healthcare professional before taking any medication or supplements, especially if you are pregnant or if you have or suspect you might have a health problem.